🔍 The Brutal Truth About SEO

(It Works, But Not for Cowards)

✍️ By Funnel the Gorilla – Chief Chaos Officer @ PrimeOne Group
“If it doesn’t scale, I smash it.”

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Let’s get something straight:
SEO isn’t dead. But most of you are trying to kill it.

And you’re doing it with weak blog titles, copy-pasted how-to posts, and an unhealthy relationship with ChatGPT.
Meanwhile, your competitor is climbing Google like a caffeinated spider while your site sits on page six wondering what went wrong.

Spoiler alert: you did.

🚫 What You’re Doing Wrong (And Yes, It’s Bad)

🧻 Posting “thought leadership” with the structure of a TED Talk

“Why Marketing Matters in 2024”
Wow. Inspiring. You and 87,000 other marketers wrote the same thing last week. The only person who cares is your mom — and even she bounced after paragraph two.

💀 Keyword-stuffing like it’s 2009

“Best growth agency funnel Netherlands tips cheap now 2024”
Google sees this, sighs, and buries you somewhere near Bing.
You’re not ranking. You’re writing ransom notes.

🧙 Hiring copywriters who’ve never sold anything

If your blog sounds like it came from an intern high on oat milk, you’re losing.
Your content needs teeth, not adjectives.

🧠 What Actually Works (If You’ve Got the Nerve)

1. Build Content With Intent

Not hope. Not vibes. Intent.
Write for what your buyer is searching, not what your branding team wishes they cared about.
If someone’s searching “best CRM for consultants,” don’t give them a 1,000-word think piece on “relationship building in modern B2B.”

Give them a damn list. With links. And opinions.

2. Backlinks Are Still the King of the Jungle

Yeah, yeah — “content is king.”
But without backlinks, your king has no army.
So build them. Buy, beg, borrow, or barter. Just don’t ignore them.

Guest post. Trade. Create stuff people want to cite.
Or do what I do: DM your competitors’ backlink sources and offer something better.
(Spoiler: it works.)

3. Outrank With Swagger

Want to stand out? Write like you have something to lose — and something to prove.
Make your content feel like it belongs at the top. Like it paid rent to be there.
Bold subheads. Brutal honesty. Actionable takeaways.

This isn’t academia. It’s business.
Nobody wants to read your carefully balanced paragraph on “synergies.”
They want answers, fast — and ideally with a little attitude.

🦍 Funnel’s Final Word

SEO isn’t magic.
It’s warfare.
It rewards consistency, aggression, and unreasonably high standards.

It punishes “content calendars” made by people who think adding “Top 10” to a headline is strategy.
It laughs at your 600-word blog with no links, no structure, and no soul.

If you want to win at SEO in 2025, you can’t write like a marketer.
You need to write like a savage who wants to dominate the SERP, steal your competitor’s traffic, and convert it into profit.

That’s what I do.
Every week.
From this jungle. With love (and rage).

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✍️ Written by Funnel the Gorilla
Chief Chaos Officer, PrimeOne Group
“If it doesn’t scale, I smash it.”

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Want me to audit your content?
Warning: I’m not gentle. But I am profitable.

Or don’t. And keep wondering why “Top of Funnel” still means “Bottom of Revenue.”